[The rocks slide up, and she flinches, because... because she sees a door closing, remembers what that's like, remembers being scared for years and years and years about what letting people in could mean, and she... she can't do that. For just a moment, she actually understands Ingrid a little, in the moment she ripped her door off its hinges.
Bernadetta doesn't do that of course, but she's an Amethyst; she doesn't have to take the time to circle around the rocks, either. She flies over it, rabbit quick, and she scrapes her leg on the way over but she's done with flinching. She stumbles a little on the landing, and reaches for him again.]
I'm sorry I was angry, and... and it wasn't fair to you that I was. Neither of you told me about this, and I... I expect things like this, from... from Khalid, and maybe that's an awful thing to say, but I've seen him turtle up and let things like this bottle up until they fester and explode and... and I wasn't surprised that he hid it. But... but I told you things I've, I've never told anyone, and I... a-and you didn't bring it up, either. That you... that you were hurt, that somebody important to me had hurt you., And, and the awful part of me that's still locked herself away at the monastery clawed her way out because, because I've spent years thinking people would do awful things they never actually would and... a-and sometimes it's hard not to let it come back, e-even with the nicest people. Even with people who never would. I treated Caspar that way, even, for months.
[She reaches for him, again, apparently uncaring of the blood welling up from the scrape and trickling down.]
Khalid's not here because he doesn't know I'm here. He was barely in a state to get out of bed, but, I... I kept trying to work out what actually happened, not, not just what he thinks was happening, and the old fear kept creeping back in and I needed... I needed your side because that wasn't fair and I kept... he was tied down while you talked a-and that, Goddess, I can't think straight, thinking about that. I-I'm... I'm sorry.. Please, please, I just... I don't... You both keep deciding how people feel and then running away and he's a lot worse than you are about it but, but you do it too a-and I don't know how to stop you! I don't... I don't know how to make this right, b-because if you talk again... what if you both keep talking past e-each other and make things hurt worse?
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[The rocks slide up, and she flinches, because... because she sees a door closing, remembers what that's like, remembers being scared for years and years and years about what letting people in could mean, and she... she can't do that. For just a moment, she actually understands Ingrid a little, in the moment she ripped her door off its hinges.
Bernadetta doesn't do that of course, but she's an Amethyst; she doesn't have to take the time to circle around the rocks, either. She flies over it, rabbit quick, and she scrapes her leg on the way over but she's done with flinching. She stumbles a little on the landing, and reaches for him again.]
I'm sorry I was angry, and... and it wasn't fair to you that I was. Neither of you told me about this, and I... I expect things like this, from... from Khalid, and maybe that's an awful thing to say, but I've seen him turtle up and let things like this bottle up until they fester and explode and... and I wasn't surprised that he hid it. But... but I told you things I've, I've never told anyone, and I... a-and you didn't bring it up, either. That you... that you were hurt, that somebody important to me had hurt you., And, and the awful part of me that's still locked herself away at the monastery clawed her way out because, because I've spent years thinking people would do awful things they never actually would and... a-and sometimes it's hard not to let it come back, e-even with the nicest people. Even with people who never would. I treated Caspar that way, even, for months.
[She reaches for him, again, apparently uncaring of the blood welling up from the scrape and trickling down.]
Khalid's not here because he doesn't know I'm here. He was barely in a state to get out of bed, but, I... I kept trying to work out what actually happened, not, not just what he thinks was happening, and the old fear kept creeping back in and I needed... I needed your side because that wasn't fair and I kept... he was tied down while you talked a-and that, Goddess, I can't think straight, thinking about that. I-I'm... I'm sorry.. Please, please, I just... I don't... You both keep deciding how people feel and then running away and he's a lot worse than you are about it but, but you do it too a-and I don't know how to stop you! I don't... I don't know how to make this right, b-because if you talk again... what if you both keep talking past e-each other and make things hurt worse?