shootyourshot | ➵ INBOX

[That's a pleasant surprise to hear from her. Enough that, finally, Ashe smiles a little, despite his own feelings.]

Well. If nothing else, I'm glad you realize that.

I know this was hard, and I appreciate you hearing me out. Just don't forget to be kind to yourself, too. I know you have our best interests at heart.

[She smiles back, weakly.]

...I'll cut you a deal. If you can remember to be kind to yourself, then, well, I'll do the same. Or, uh, do my best, at least.

Oh, uh.

[CALLED OUT OOPS]

I-I'll do my best, then. For both of us.

Y-Yeah. Me too.

[There's something intrinsically sad about both of them needing the incentive of somebody else's happiness to pursue their own, but no Empire-born child worth their salt has the time for that sort of thorny introspection, so she tucks the thought away, where all the others go.]

...take care, Ashe. Even... even if I someday disappear back to what's waiting for me, the way other people have, okay?

...Things wouldn't be the same without you either. It's you I've bonded with, Bernadetta. Not any other version of you.

You should know that.

I know.

[She tries so hard, to make that distinction for everyone. To minimize the hurt and pain that will come, when they go back to their lands with same-faced, same-named, same-hearted friends who have never set foot in Noctium.]

I'm, well, it's a little sad to think none of you will visit me, when I'm... back. But maybe Dimitri will. ...I think he will, if, uh, if anyone... knows where I ended up, when the smoke cleared. He's kind like that.

He is, despite what he says about himself.

I don't regret all that we've experienced together, you know. Not here, even when it's hard. I've really adored our time together. And I hope we continue to have it, for as long as possible.

Me too. ...thank you for coming, Ashe. I'm... I said it a few times, but I'm sorry I lost it. Being with you makes me really happy, and it's... it's comfortable. It was as scary as it was wrong, to get paranoid over it.

It's all right. I'm... sure it hit very close to home with you.

Call me if you need anything else. Please. And... I'll, um. Try to remember to do the same.

Honestly, this place... it feels a lot more like 'home' than the manor did, for... ages, honestly.

Yes, I will. It's a promise.

Hi Ashe. It's Claude, I just... this phone can't be traced so I actually use it more than the other one. Not that text is the best way to do this but I at least know you'll get it this way. Even if you have the other one blocked. Which would be understandable.

I didn't know Bernadetta was going to confront you about... things. I would have told her not to if I had. That wasn't fair on either of us. But since she started this whether I was ready to deal with it or not... I

I owe you an apology. It feels disingenuous to apologize when I can't change the behavior that caused the hurt, though. Not... fully. Or maybe just... not yet. I didn't mean to be hurtful but I do understand why you were.

There's a lot of reasons, things that have kept me alive this long. Things that, if we do return to our worlds from this place, I still need to have in place if I intend to make it to the future Ferdinand recalls. Which only makes it that much harder to even try to change things. But I don't want to keep hurting people. You and Byleth are both right about that. It's not fair to you.

So... I hope you'll understand why this.... this isn't an apology. I can't give you that in good faith. Not right now. Not without putting in the effort to make things better. Even a little bit. I know that probably sounds like a cop out and I can do nothing to disprove that.

But I am trying. If you have it in you to be patient with me. Hopefully I'll be able to give you that apology sooner rather than later.

Which name am I supposed to use for you right now?

Right... sorry. Untraceable, right? It... should be fine. I'm just... used to keeping my name off the network in general.

I just wasn't sure. I didn't even know these things were traceable, so I'll play it safe for you.

I kind of wish this was in person. I won't assume to know what you're thinking about that, so I'll leave that as it is.

I didn't know how you'd react to me leaving you in the web. I'm sorry about that. If I'd known, I wouldn't have done that in the first place. I came back not long after and you were gone and I thought you had enough of what I was saying. It didn't even occur to me that I'd done something that would have hurt you like that. I hope you understand.

However, I want to ask: do you feel badly at all about what you said to me before?

I didn't think you'd be comfortable being around me in person and...

Honestly I can talk myself out of some of the worst of my... habitual paranoia a lot easier if I have the time to logic my way through some of it. Which I can't do face to face. No matter how much I might try.

I'm sorry I hurt you. I feel bad for that. I feel bad that I can't be a friend to you. I feel bad that I felt cornered and started snapping at you. I am sorry, even if I don't deserve your forgiveness.

I feel bad that I think in such ugly ways but... I am not sorry for that part. Which... sort of makes your point, doesn't it.

Bernadetta and I had a lot to talk about in terms of assuming how the other person feels. So let's both try to avoid that in the future, I think. That's been our biggest issue. I admit that I've done it with you, thinking that you didn't like me or something.

One of my oldest friends is Yuri. Someone who probably doesn't realize that I'm kind of aware of some of the more unsavory things he does. He thinks in similar ways as you, but I've seen a lot of differences as well of course. But the way you both think is habitual. To survive. I can't really fault you for that when I've done some things I'm not proud of either to get by. So, I get it in some way.

In any case, let me decide if it's worth forgiving you. That's not up to you, not in the least. And you need to decide if you even want to be friends with me. You already know I want that.

Also: please don't hold any of this against Bernadetta. If it wasn't for her, I'm not sure if we'd even be at this point of talking to each other.

That... is probably a good point. One I will try to keep in mind. Figuring people out is... sort of what I do. It's a lot harder when it's emotions involved and not political motivations or agendas. I... will probably need reminders. Not to act on assumptions at least, even if I can't stop thinking that way.

Yuri and I have... a lot of things in common. I think that's maybe part of why I was so upset when you said I was just making excuses (to be fair, I sort of was but Edelgard's war is nothing compared to what my grandfather did to people, what my people do to each other on a daily basis.)

For what it's worth I do want to learn how to let myself have friends and, eventually, I'd like that to include you. People aren't just pieces on a chessboard, I know that... I've just had to be prepared to use them as such at a moment's notice, regardless of how I feel. It's not something that's easy to just.... turn off.

I know she was trying to help and she did, really, but I'm still upset with how she handled it. We've talked about it. We're okay. I just... need a little time.

I don't think it's helped, thinking that way. I thought that maybe you understood me since you're pretty well known for being a tactician, but it doesn't seem to be the case.

Yuri's a lot easier to understand, to be honest. There are people he loves and isn't afraid to say so. People he cares about. He's also harsher, in other ways.

I suppose my last question is this: what did you do or say to Byleth? You mentioned him earlier.

Yuri has put a lot of effort into ensuring he is in a place that he can protect the people he loves. Because of my... heritage. I will never be able to fully guarantee that. No matter where I end up. Mattering to me immediately puts a target on the people I care about.

So I always tried to make sure I didn't.

Byleth asked if I really thought he would betray me or if I would betray him. I told him yes. Because I did. I made plans and promises and lied through my teeth knowing I was going to walk away as soon as the fighting was done. When it came down to my love for him or peace... I chose peace.

I'm glad he has Dimitri. He deserves someone that can throw away the world for him.

You can be really ridiculous. But all right.

I-

.... What?

[Utterly flabbergasted. What the fuck?]

I don't think you're right about His Highness and the Professor at all. I think, in fact, you need to reexamine everything you know about other people. What motivates us. What makes us people. What we love, who we love.

And here, there isn't a war. You should remember that, too.

Good luck with everything, Claude. And maybe there'll be a time you decide that you can let people in more. And just know them as people.

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@Tascheter || The day after.... ^that

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1/?

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Video: done

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